Category Archives: Thai Girlfriend

Tips and Tricks for Meeting and Dating Thai Women

Tips and Tricks for Meeting and Dating Thai Women

I get a lot of questions here via email about Thai girls and dating. What is the proper way to approach a Thai girl, how can I tell if shes a good girl vs a bar girl, how to avoid internet scams and that sort of thing. Obviously it is a very important question for those who are interested in meeting and dating Thai girls and I answer each email personally, however I thought it might be time for another post about dating with girls from Thailand.

First off let me qualify by saying I am by no means an expert in dating, Thais or non-Thais. Yes I have my own personal experiences and I have done quite a bit of reading on other blogs, websites and in forums. I have talked about this in length many times with others on the internet, via email and in person when I’m in Thailand and while there are some constants there is also a large variation in the girls similar to what you would find anywhere. You can find value in what I have to say, but I would have to say that you should try to rely on yourself and the two most important things to remember are your manners and common sense.

Appearances are very important in Thailand and aside from your physical appearance, which should be neat and groomed, you’ll also want to consider your attitude and manners. Thais are very sensitive to body language and can tell immediately when you are being fake. This may be due to the fact that Thais are very non-confrontational (see my post Jai Yen or Cool Heart). They will almost never verbally disagree and I think over the centuries have come to a point where they are extremely attuned to nuances of posture and facial expression. Oftentimes people will say that Asian faces are non-expressive, but this is not true, Westerners just aren’t any good at deciphering the nuances because our culture is much more verbal in its communication style.

Assuming you are polite and well groomed you shouldn’t have much trouble meeting Thai girls initially. One thing that can trip up some guys is that in Thailand you will definitely need to be the pursuer. Thai girls in general will not initiate contact, however you can tell if they are interested most times simply by the sidelong glances or shy smiles that you get from them. If you’re out in a club it is very acceptable (and easy) to have a friend or even the waitress deliver a note to a girl you are interested in to get their mobile number. If you get the number you’re in and can feel confident in approaching them.

Once you’ve established a rapport with the girl go ahead and ask for a date, but don’t be surprised if they want to bring their friends. This is quite common in Thailand and it actually makes things easier sometimes because there can be more of a fun dynamic in groups. Depending on the girl it could take anywhere from 2 to several dates until you can get the girl alone.

For those of you who are not physically in Thailand don’t despair. The internet has made it possible to meet people from all around the world. Several years ago I had a trip planned and wanted to have some contact before arriving so I signed up with a dating site. I had no intention of falling in love and getting married and yet that’s exactly what ended up happening. You never know where you’ll find the perfect girl and often its in the place you didn’t expect.

If you travel to Thailand on vacation for a few weeks it could be very hard for you to meet a good Thai girl, however if you take the time to get to know a girl first from the internet you’ll be in a much better position. This way she has had the chance to get to know more about you, hopefully you’ve also chatted with her on webcam and also on the phone and shell be able to trust you that much more quickly by knowing about you before you arrive in Thailand.

One final caution to you. If you do choose to meet Thai girls on the internet that’s fine, a lot of men are doing it. Once you find a girl you are interested in stop your communication with any other girls you might be emailing or talking with. Thai girls are a very jealous lot and if she thinks you’re talking with other girls nothing but trouble will come from it. One of the primary reasons Thai girls like foreigners is the fact that we are not as likely to cheat on them as our Thai counterparts. If she thinks you’re talking with other girls you lose that advantage and you may lose the girl as well.

What Do People Think of Farang and Thai Relationships?

What Do People Think of Farang and Thai Relationships?

Last week I talked about a couple I have been working with and I am excited as next week they will meet for the first time. As I have kind of played Intercultual cupid I am fascinated to see what happens. In fact I shall be making a short video series of this case which I will let everyone know about as I feel it will be a great story to follow.

Recently I have got many comments and emails about relationships between Thais and Western people and also other types of Intercultural relationships. I must admit I just love this subject for many reasons. Of course for me it is the subject of love that is the centre of every relationship whether it is between same cultures or different, but what inspires me so much is how love does cross all boundaries, all creeds, colors and languages.

It never fails to move me when I see or hear about how love can grow between people from completely different lands and have not even met in person yet. Personally and this is from my own experience as well as studying other people I do believe it is important to meet in person as soon as possible as this really does help to confirm that attraction and that love really is there and not just the romantic dream of a love far away.

It is true though that love really can travel any distance and cross any boundary including cultural boundaries. Yes there is much to learn about each other as you progress in an intercultural relationship and probably one of the biggest issues can often be other people, family friends etc, but again it is how you deal and manage these issues that will guide you to your positive outcome. I always believe that if you keep love as your focus, keep love as your compass then you can navigate any difficult waters even though sometimes we need to be brave.

I must admit though one of the reasons I love Australia is because of its attitude towards different cultures, even though I wrote about a small incident recently I have seen that even though it is a young country it is very International in its view and the people of Australia have such an open view of every culture that lives there. In fact they seem to embrace the differences and it is a wonderful attitude to be associated with and I am very grateful to be able to spend time there.

So what else do I notice that is important in these relationships. Well perhaps the need for understanding and patience might be the biggest requirement especially if there is language differences. Misunderstandings can happen so easily and innocently when there is a language difference but often we only realize it after we have walked the path of confusion and some emotional upset, so the ability to forgive and forget is essential also. Yes of course these are all things that are needed in any relationship but in Intercultural ones they are greater needs.

One thing that also interests me is the attitude and opinion of Western people to these relationships especially those between Thai women and Farang men. What do the men and women of America, England, Australia and Canada think about these relationships? I know that sadly Thai girls get a bad name sometimes but as many of you know that is a minority. But I am curious to always hear about views from other western people on this subject so please feel free to leave comments about this as I would love to hear them, even if they are negative I would like to know anyway.

Age Difference Between Farang Men and Thai Women

Age Difference Between Farang Men and Thai Women

Two things I notice a lot of talk about is age difference, between Thai women with older Farang men and also what Thai women really want.

So I have a case study that I would like to share with you that may give you some interesting insights.

I have recently been working with a couple that I introduced to each other. He is an Australian man of 58 and she a Thai woman of 38 so a good enough age difference I feel. Their story is interesting because when I originally met the man he had met someone else in Thailand, much younger in fact and was trying to understand where he stood with her. After some consultation and also some conversations with her from myself he finally made the decision that things would not work out between them. This is always a sensitive area for me because often I can see this early on but people need time to come to that realization by themselves so gentle advise and sharing of experiences is required as I never tell people what they should do, just help them.

Secondly he then got involved with another Thai woman who unfortunately turned out to be just playing a game with him, yes in fact it was the classic story of Thai just getting a free ride from Farang when in Thailand and there is much more to this but I wont go into that here right now.

Now I want to let you know this man is a very good man, he is not stupid he is a very sensitive and genuine person and of course like many Farang men he is impressed and maybe even a little overwhelmed by the beauty of Thai women and their serving nature. This is part of our culture remember, we love to serve and we do have a natural willingness to please. I would also like to add that neither of these relationships were intimate in any way, in fact with one he had trouble even being able to hold her hand while out on a date.

After his first encounter with the very younger Thai woman (in her 20s) I had offered to introduce him to a slightly older Thai woman (38) I know but at first he wanted to focus on the second woman he had met, not until these left him a little confused and disappointed did he then ask me about the lovely Thai woman I had in mind who I felt might be a good match for him. However as always I like to be careful and make sure both sides have an understanding, I feel this is what is often missing when Farang and Thai get together.

So now he and her have been talking everyday for weeks now and getting on amazingly well. they will meet later this month and already feel they have found The one. They have both seen pictures of each other, and have even had talks with each others family. Yes I do believe they now need to meet to be certain but I feel they are starting off on the right foot, with the right intention and understanding. The age difference does not seem to be an issue and in fact I believe at 38 and 58 these are good ages to be together because there is a maturity on both sides.

So what does a Thai woman like this really want?

What I can tell you is it is not about money because she has no need for that. It is about security within a relationship. She feels that he has shown her with his behavior to be a caring and loving man (which I know he is) and that is what she longs for. Someone she can rely on and who thinks about her everyday, just the little things, just the simple things. She feels he can fulfill what she lacks of and has not been able to find in her previous relationships. She just wants some honesty, not perfection just honesty and without lies. Someone she can feel good about bringing into her family and who will be a positive in her life. I happen to know that these are also things that he wants too and so they both share the same wants, hopes and dreams which is a great place to start. Now they have an understanding like that they can feel more secure in getting to know each other properly when they meet.

Now maybe you feel I should not share this yet because we dont know how things will turn out for them and yes maybe it will not work out but I still feel it is good to share this with people because it shows a perspective on many issues, age difference, culture difference, online relationships and what a genuine Thai woman really wants as well as what I feel is a good way for a relationship like this to begin, and have the best chance of success.

I hope you found this small overview of a real case study interesting and please feel free to comment with any of your own experiences as this is what helps me understand more to be able to help people.

Insight from a Thai Girlfriend

Insight from a Thai Girlfriend

I would like to say thank you so much to you for amazing comments to my last post, for sharing such honest stories I am sure that other people in similar situations will get much from your stories, as do I.

I will be open and share some direct experiences for you also. Yes we have had many challenges ourselves with our relationship and being together, but when we talk about it and how we have managed not only to be together so often (and not because we have money) and keep our relationship alive and healthy we find a few very important key things we have done and continue to do.

We always need Hope

We have found that one important key to have when you are apart is hope! We have always had definite plans in place to be together again, even if we cannot say the exact dates we have always had our future plans in front of us. We will always plan that either I will go to Australia or he will come to Thailand in so many weeks. Yes we have to be flexible because of work and family but you know what this does is always gives us hope. The hope is we know that being apart is temporary and that we are both working towards being together again and building our life together. Hope is such a basic need for humans in many ways and for many reasons and love is no different. If we lose hope then life becomes so difficult but when we have hope it gives us the strength to carry on.

Taking Action

The other thing we have found is so essential is to take action on your hopes and dreams. I know this can be easy to say and not so easy to do and believe me we have our challenges toomoney, family, work and a while ago even the troubles we had here in Thailand made taking action on our plans difficult. But here we are again together and it is down to our determination to take action on our plans, make them real and not just dreams and things we talk about. It sounds simple I know and it is not always easy, you need to be brave sometimes and take a risk or two. But we always say to ourselves what is love for if we are not prepared to act on it and take a risk for it.

Does Absence really make the heart grow fonder?

Well this is not an easy one for sure. Yes it certainly can make the heart grow fonder because it stops us from becoming too lazy about our love. We don’t get the chance to get into a routine because we are always longing to be together and if both are happy to express themselves then it can be very romantic sending messages, videos and letters to each other dreaming of how we will feel when we are together again. The danger is if we allow ourselves to feel to separated from each others lives, if we don’t care enough for the others feelings that they can easily feel jealous, or simply not loved even though this maybe completely innocent and accidental. we must always remember how the other may feel if we do not contact each other for a while or if we are busy with our own lives. This can create space between two people if we are not careful.

Does Culture make any difference being apart?

Although there are many things that cultural differences can make in a relationship I have not found this has any real effect on being apart. Maybe just that our lifestyles may be a little different in our own countries so it is sometimes hard to imagine each others day to day lives. But this is why I think taking action and being together as often as possible is so important.

For me if two people love each other then it really does not matter about culture or language. The problem with being apart is simply that..being apart distance. We cannot just give each other a hug and say its all ok when we are feeling down. We cant just share normal life things together like eating dinner, watching a movie or going shopping and this togetherness is what we all crave as humans.

Maybe this sounds too simple and romantic but if it is really love then love will find a way for us to be together if we keep strong in our belief. Do everything we can to keep watering the tree of love everyday and do everything we can to be together as often as possible until it becomes reality and permanent in some way. This is life and sometimes to get what we want may mean some discomfort, some challenges and some pain, but if we take the time to really enjoy and experience the good and the bad then it is all worth it.

For me love really is worth it.

I wish all of you who experience similar situations chok dee and please feel free to share your ideas, stories good and bad with me as I love to learn how to help in some way.

Thai Girlfriend Musings – Being Apart

Thai Girlfriend Musings – Being Apart

Firstly can I say thank you for some great comments to last weeks post. I do think it was an interesting situation to talk about because it is always good learning experience between different cultures and of course I cannot judge because I love Australia, it’s people and culture.

On to this week and I must confess my mind is a little distracted from writing so I apologize now if this post maybe a little short and I would like to know how many of you share my experience this week.

Why you ask?

Well the reason is because tonight my partner arrives in Bangkok from Australia so now you may smile and forgive my distraction I hope. It has been 4 weeks now since I returned from Australia and to be honest with you these times apart are always difficult. But as we try to manage our lives to be together and continue to build our future we must accept and endure times apart.

I know this is common for Intercultural relationships and especially for many Thai women who have Farang boyfriends and husbands. Yes we talk every day on Skype, email and phone but it is never easy. In fact sometimes I wonder if talking on webcam actually makes us miss each other more.

We also notice that we often have misunderstandings because of the language difference which is made slightly worse because we are not together and not so easy to read each others body language or the look in our eyes and sometimes if we are just writing we get each other wrong.

But then once we are together again it is such a good feeling and we begin to understand the meaning of the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”.

So what about some of you readers here. Do you have similar experiences like this and if so how do you cope, I would be interested to hear about your experience and your thoughts on what effect it has on a relationship. Do you think absence makes the heart grow fonder or can it really push you apart?

Age and It’s Effect on Relationships

Age and It’s Effect on Relationships

I would like to get back to talking about relationships again this week because yesterday I caught up with some friends and had some interesting conversations about age and marriage. It was a lovely day actually as I had lunch with some girl friends and then dinner with another friend because in Bangkok I like to do as much in a day as possible as getting around this City can take a lot of time if you are not careful because of traffic.

So I had lunch at a beautiful restaurant called Music Square which is on the Mahidol University Campus, Music Department. I then headed back to Bangkok Central and had a dinner with my friend at the Mall Shopping Centre.

Interesting with my friend over dinner when she told me that she feels bored with her husband. She still loves him but doesn’t have as much feeling anymore and just feels bored. Now she is still same age group as me early 40s, she has a child of 8 and a reasonably good lifestyle so you would think not too much to complain about really.

What is interesting about her story also is that her and her husband were just boyfriend and girlfriend for 13 years before they got married. This is perhaps longer than normal when you consider that people from the City, meaning mainly Bangkok tend to get married after they finish University. In fact it seems that we are following Western Culture here also as from what I have read and heard now in Bangkok people are getting married later, more like 25, 26 and once they are more established in work and financially settled.

This also seems to apply to Thai women from Bangkok who are much more financially independent themselves today and so less reliant on finding a man for financial reasons.

Things are still the same in the Country areas as they have been for a long time where it is common for couples to get married much younger because they tend to finish education much earlier and start work. In some cases it is not uncommon for girls as young as 16 to get pregnant and for the couple to get married at that age. But in the City it is almost a rule that you must finish University first.

Now the situation with my friend feeling bored made me think about a few things really. First that it shows that it really doesn’t matter when you get married after you meet someone because I know people who have gotten married quite quickly after meeting and some like my friend who have taken a lot longer to get to know each other well first and it really doesn’t seem to make any difference on whether people stay together or not.

But what about if you are much older? For example it seems that when we hit 40s our attitudes change about life so is boredom more to do with age or her relationship or a bit of both perhaps. I understand it is not uncommon for people to make major life changes around this age whether it be a change in relationship status, changing careers or even moving to another City or even another Country. It does seem that when you look at the statistics in divorce and separation so many occur around this age. So it makes me wonder about my friend is it co-incidence that she is feeling bored with her marriage now as she enters her 40s.

What do you think? I would be interested to know.

Do you think it is better to take longer to get to know a person before you marry or if you feel it is real love then just do it?
And what effect do you think age has on a relationshipwhen we hit the 40 age bracket do you think this changes things in a relationship or not?

As always I love to read your comments so please feel free to share your thoughts as this is how we all learn.