Tips for Driving in Thailand

Tips for Driving in Thailand

Well then Thailand offers so much for the visitor. Nice people nice beaches nice food. Let’s go back to the nice people. The Thai person is laid back, caring, happy(ish), thoughtful and creative. This is all true. This is also not true because what was one moment ago a loving Thai human is now a beast hell-bent on near death manoeuvres and unremitting sub standardism! This is because that Thai has just gotten behind the wheel of a Motor car!

Where as in the UK and Europe people are generally rude and nasty until they enter a car in Thailand it is the opposite They are capable of loving you with the heart of the holy Buddha one moment then trying to kill you in the very next. This insanity I am surprised to hear is not on the USA’s axis of evil list because some of the driving in this delicious country is definitely a danger to human existence and most undemocratic. Please allow me to explain the driving statistics and categories. These facts are not UN approved they have not been oked by top brass persons they are mostly statistics I have made up, but they were formed whilst driving the Thai roads and offer a real life view of the reality of the reality of driving in this wonderful Kingdom.

TEST. The driving test is the smoking gun when looking for clues as to why this behaviour occurs. Drive around some stuff and stop. What colour is this light bulb? Do an impression of a monkey! OK here is your license. You may be thinking Wow that’s easy and you’d be right it is. Then put that driver in dads shiny Fortuner and you have a trouble cake on the bake. Obviously it would seem quite the stereo typist of me to assume all Thai drivers are utterly terrible. I have seen with my own two eyes driving that would match the best western skill set. Let’s not forget the legion of Japanese saloon cars driven nicely by their nice owners to their nice houses. The ‘slow and steady wins the race’ format works well in many different countries including this one although the slow and steady bit may seem at times draconian especially to the young go getter type that is emerging valiantly from the muddy fields to the shiny office. Yes the Thai EARNER is here and judging by the driving he is apparently quite late. Now we have a brand new untestedly tested driver with a brand new powerful 44 who is relishing the brand newness of it all. Testing his car, himself and your patience on his way to blah blah land to secure a deal in who cares what.

LANES- Lots of U turn places in the middle will be doted along the highway this means you have no fast lane per se so that allows the use of any lane for over taking. And this lane change will be done in split second moves by over stimulated drivers. You may find yourself in a two lane situation and only the outside fast lane is occupied – why? You say to yourself as you turn gently on to the surprisingly empty lane only to find a rumble and a jolt followed by your spine shattering and your lower intestines spilling out on the seat. You should make sure your insurance has a prolapsed organ clean up waiver or a new Yaris interior may ruin your travel budget. Yes you should as the roads do tend to change surfaces more than Gary Glitter changes address. You can go from smooth to un-fecking-acceptable in a blink of an eye and all of the relaxed comfort you had worked so hard to achieve now a quivering wreck in the floor well next to your feet and on top of your innards. On single lane roads one lane does it all and it gets tricky. Guessing the speed of oncoming traffic is quiet hard, as it could be 180kph or 08kph. Your guess is as good as a cabbage farmer who has taken the plunge already and run out oomph half way past so blocking everyone and moving everything over to the side. All vehicles suddenly slow and operate around the kerfuffle with lights flashing and then in an instant it’s back to way to fast again. It’s like they know something you don’t and have avoided such things for years as they floor it back into danger.

So some facts for you

83.3% MELLOW your journey will be like any other journey in any country more so when in stunning scenery. The traffic seemingly go’s about its business gently and correctly only a bit slower than you’re normal pace. In Provincial land you will find emptiness in abundance there are no other road users to piss you off so attack it with aplomb just slow for the villages and be mellow and cruise through. In general watch out for everything but in a relaxed manner you will be comfortable. Let the tough goers overtake and you shall be safe.

11.1% TOUGH GOING your trip will be very hard work. As things speed up around you may feel a bit put out by the aggressive behaviour but just find a gap in the traffic and hold your place. All traffic gets to where it’s going no problem in this category. Let the Insanity overtake you and you shall be safe.

6.9% INSANITY yes 6.9% of every journey will be utter madness. Your nice driving will be no match for the hustle and bustle of the economic corridor you may find yourself on. This insanity comprises many things. Chock full of Death Doom and fright this category is for surviving! It happens on every journey but it never lasts long. Revert to Mellow and you shall be safe.

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